As Ann turned to walk back to her seat, Emma suddenly got up and stood in the middle of the room. Ann stopped.
“Come here!” He barked.
“No!”
“I said come here!” He insisted.
“No! You shouldn’t talk to me like that!”
He walked toward her and said, “I’ll talk to you the way I like!” He pushed her back and she fell on the sofa. “Who was that man?”
“If you touch me again, I’ll call my uncle!” Ann told him.
“Who was that? …
… “Emma, I don’t think we are compatible.” She said.
“Ann, it’s not an issue of compatibility. It’s an issue of behaviour. This is the second time you would do something wrong. We are not yet married and you’re making me doubt you.”
“I haven’t done anything wrong! … I haven’t cheated on you … I’m surprised you’re pushing and threatening me already when I haven’t even agreed to marry you.”
He calmed down. “I’m sorry.”
“You have anger problem, Emma. I think you should handle that first before talking about marriage.” She told him.
He looked a little shame-faced. “I’m dealing with it. You can be sure it won’t happen again.”
“So you said the other time.”
“Ann, I don’t just lose my temper. Something triggers it off … You won’t see my temper again if you don’t give me any reason to doubt you.” He told her. “Try to understand me and there won’t be any problem again.” …
“… Was there any time you hit your ex-girlfriend?”
He cut her off. “That’s not relevant to our discussion.”
“It is. You said we should try to know each other’s likes and dislikes. I’m trying to know more about you so I can avoid things that could upset you.” She explained.
He shrugged. “Well, maybe it happened once. She knew the things I didn’t like but kept on doing them.”
She had her answer. He hit the lady. Noted.
… Ann told Mrs. Noah. “Emma has anger problems … What should I do?”
“I won’t tell you what to do but I’ll tell you this, men who hit their wives don’t usually change. The reason they don’t change is because they see the other person as the one at fault. They say they are provoked and make excuses for their behaviour … If he’s treating you like this now, how do you think he would treat you in marriage?”
(Excerpts from the novel YOU FOUND ME)
I’m dealing with this issue not to condemn the men who have anger issues or have been abusive to their partners because really, Jesus makes the difference and without Him we can do nothing. There is hope for them and for those women who are abusive.
This is to open the eyes of the single ladies out there: who are in abusive relationships but don’t even know; and those who know but don’t know how to handle it. As I pointed out in the novel, men who hit their wives or partners don’t usually change because they don’t see what they are doing wrong. Some of them realise they are wrong but are unwilling to change, making excuses for their abusive behaviour.
Is it possible to know before marriage that a man is abusive? Yes. What are the warning signs? There are many tell-tale signs of an abuser but I’ll give you ten which I mentioned in the novel Oh Baby. If ladies would be careful, pray and pay close attention to the signs, they would know an abuser before getting deeply involved.
Ten signs of an abusive man
(to be continued)
By: Pastor Taiwo Iredele Odubiyi
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