How to handle an abusive relationship (Part 1)
(Culled from the book MY FIRST LOVE – Pastor Taiwo Iredele Odubiyi)
On Monday evening, Lisa was in the living room. She had just finished polishing her nails when her phone began to ring. Glancing at it where it was on the side table in front of her, she saw Tofe’s name. Using only her thumb and index finger, she carefully picked it.
“Hello.”
“Aunty, good evening.”
“Good evening. How are you?”
“I’m fine. I’d like to come and see you please.” Tofe said.
“I’m at home. Do you wish to come right away?”
“Yes, if it’s okay with you. It’s about Jude.”
Lisa already guessed it was about him. “You can come or better still, I can come to your house.” She said.
“I’ll appreciate that please.”
“Is Mofe back at home?”
“No.”
“Good. We will be able to talk freely.” Lisa said.
She got up to get ready and soon, left the house.
Tofe was folding some freshly laundered clothes when Lisa arrived.
“I will open the door.” Ama announced and got up.
“No, I have to check first to know who is there.” Tofe told her.
She stopped what she was doing and went to the door with Ama.
Looking through the peephole, she said, “It’s Aunty Lisa. Open the door.”
Ama unlocked and opened it. “Aunty Lisa!”
“Hey, sweetheart.” Lisa said. “How are you today?”
“I’m fine. My daddy is not back from work.” Ama informed her.
“I know. I’m here to see your aunt.”
Tofe greeted Lisa as she entered. She took the clothes inside and returned to the living room.
“I just want to discuss with you some of the issues I’m having with Jude.” She told Lisa without wasting time.
“Okay.” Lisa said, looking at her.
“It’s about the anger issue, and … the truth is … I’m not sure how to handle it.” As she talked, her lower lip trembled a little and tears gathered in her eyes. “He is a Christian and nice but when he is angry, he’s a different person. He doesn’t seem to be able to control his anger. Even his family members know about it.”
Lisa was not surprised to hear what she was saying.
Tofe continued. “He is very jealous. He doesn’t want me to talk to any male. If I greet or look at a man, he gets very angry. If he catches me talking or smiling with a man, I’m in trouble but when he has calmed down, he will apologise. I initially thought it must be that he loves me deeply but now I’m getting concerned.” Her voice was shaking.
“Did another one happen recently? After last week Saturday’s?”
“Yes, yesterday.”
“Tell me about it.”
She told Lisa.
“And what happened? Did he slap you again?”
Tofe nodded and tears began to run down her face. “He s-slapped me … and pushed me.”
“Oh my God!” Lisa exclaimed. She came to sit beside Tofe and put a hand at her back in a comforting way.
“You need to tell me everything so I can help you. Jude also needs to be helped. He has serious issues. This is important please.”
Tofe nodded.
“About how many times has he hit you?” Lisa asked.
“He hits me whenever he’s very angry, and he calls me names.”
“That’s wrong.”
“But … we love each other. He is very caring. This anger is the main problem I’m having with him.” Tofe said.
(To be continued)
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