After that, things went from bad to worse. First, Fred stopped eating at home and then he started sleeping some nights outside without giving any reason to Moni.
Moni told herself she didn’t care, the marriage was dead but somehow, she still felt hurt, hurt that she and the man she married were now like strangers to each other, hurt that the love they once had for each other was now gone and perhaps forever, hurt that he might be living with another woman on those nights he didn’t come home. Where could he be staying? Who was he staying with? Moni could not help thinking, her anger growing.
Well, there was nothing she could do about the things that had happened but there were things she could do about her life now and her future, she consoled herself. She talked to Ben, her brother-in-law, and soon, began to work in his computer company.
She also decided to do something about her weight gain. She went to a store and bought magazines that mentioned ways to lose weight. She read them through and then, wrote some of those ways of losing weight out on a sheet of paper.
She looked at what she had written – eat fruits and vegetables, eat a light breakfast, eat only when you are hungry, stop eating when you are full, find alternatives to overeating during times of stress, physical exercise.” She read all the ways – eighteen in all.
Good, she folded the paper and put it in her Bible where she was sure she could see it everyday. She would start on it immediately.
She also decided to go to church more regularly and attend the weekly meetings. For so long, she had allowed her marriage to be her main focus rather than God…
(Excerpts from the novel – Tears on my Pillow)
I am amazed at the rate many link their joy or otherwise, directly or indirectly to the actions of another individual or a situation. In counseling most folks, I am used to people saying ‘I am not happy because my husband has done this’ or ‘my wife hasn’t done this’. So many will complain and say their spouses are not making them happy. They feel good and happy if things are going well with their spouses. When there are issues, they are down, depressed and discouraged.
The question is this … do you think it is any one’s responsibility to make you happy?
No one in life can successfully make you happy if you are not happy yourself. Joy is your responsibility and not dependent on the actions and feelings of another. If joy were to be a function of another’s actions, then like most works of flesh, it would come in bits and far in between, and you could be starved of joy and happiness for life.
Woman, joy is your responsibility and not your husband’s. It is not in his provision for the home and providing security. Man, your happiness in marriage does not lie in your wife’s cooking or keeping the home but it is a decision you have to make from within. It is a matter of choice.
God’s words promise us joy but like most things in life, there are conditions to be met. When issues come up that seem higher than you can handle or you are crumbling under the weight of so much debt, and it seems God is far away … do you keep your joy? Or do you just give up on God and yourself?
Now, David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. (1Samuel 30:6)
David was faced with a situation. Everybody was crying but the Bible says David encouraged himself in the Lord. He chose to be happy. He chose to rejoice and not be downcast, and the answer came to him. He got everything back. If music is what brings joy to you, then play it. Do whatever you can do to keep your joy.
The Bible says in Isaiah 12 verse 3, that with joy you shall be able to draw out all that salvation has to offer. As a husband or wife, if you are not happy, it will be difficult for you to fulfill your role in the marriage or take good care of your children. Keeping your joy brings freedom. Freedom for you – your joy is not determined by another person, and freedom in respect of your relationship with your spouse as the person is freed from having to do the impossible.
So, when you are faced with situations, keep your joy. When the enemy seems to have the upper hand, keep your joy. Your spouse says he or she is no longer interested in the marriage, keep your joy. You just lost a loved one? Keep your joy.
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! (Philippians 4:4)
Joy gives you strength. There is nothing you will lose when you do not lose your joy.
- From the book GOD’S WORDS TO COUPLES
(Author: Pastor Taiwo Iredele Odubiyi)
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